NEW YEAR, NEW GOALS

This post is for Alex and Z. The only two people who actually read my blog and give good feedback. LOL I have thought a lot about how this year will go. Or how I want it to go. My friends around me have these awesome goals. Specifically these two.

Alex is going to open the rockingest dance studio in the area. I am so excited for her and her goals. It is truly inspiring to see all of the ambition in her young face. Every time she has EVER talked about dance it is clear. She is a dancer at heart. Nursing is her job, dancing is her passion. I can’t wait to see what she can do with my awkward 15 year old. I will bet she can work wonders, and that Isabel will get her wish. Which is to dance just like Micheal Jackson. IDK why, she just does. WARSAW wil not know what hit them when you come to town Alex. I am already so proud of you my friend.  2013 will be very bright for you!!

And Z, I know we have never met, but I think that she has tons of guts. Doing what you want to do, to hell with what everyone thinks. You go girl!! Lonely as it may be sometimes, she doesn’t make excuses. Its almost like she is living and observing her own life at the same time. AWESOME!!  2013 will definitely be a busy year for her. I lost count of how many books she wants to write this year. And three vacations. Sounds great. I just gotta say that some people are just wanderers, that is her.  Someday we should meet. Maybe in Hawaii! 😉

So it got me thinking. I really need to take some stock in what I want to accomplish this year. The last few years have been very cut and dry for me. Finish the BSN, see my dad, lose some fat. Really that is all I have been worried about.

This year I must expand a little. So this is my top 5.

 First and foremost, I need to nourish my relationships. With my kids, my dad, but mainly with my husband. In all of my quests, he has been there for me. Supporting me in the things I want. Never telling me that he has things HE wants. I HAVE been selfish. I know he can be grumpy, and selfish with me. I have been running here and there. He feels left out I think.  But I can be insensitive and inconsiderate.  I am a brooder and he is a talker. I am a cancer and he is an aquarius. Need I say more? We DO have our issues. But you don’t put this much time into a relationship to just throw it in the garbage. Especially one where there is so much passion. Yes, I said it.

Second, I need to get my house in order. Something must be done. Walls need paint, floors need floored, windows need treated…   You get it. I have wonderful ideas for everything. A plan of action is what I need. I wish I was a list maker.  Where is Liz? I need Liz. :S

Third, keep losing the FAT. Some of it found its way back home over the Christmas season. I. AM. SO. DONE. My extra baggage will be HOMELESS by summer. I hope it is paying attention because 30lbs is gonna be lost. Never to be found again. So there!!

Fourth, find someway to see my dad more. I have to do this.!!!!! Even though it is fourth on the list I have to do it. I almost can not stand the thought of never seeing him again. I only just got him back. So I must figure this out. My family is split straight down the middle. Jeff, Isabel and E don’t want to move, Ben, Sam and I do. Hawaii IS far away. THAT IS THE POINT!! For all involved. Funny huh!?! NOT!!

Five of five is my career. Which masters do I choose? Well I have pretty much decided to do both. I know, what a big move. Well whether you call it stupid or gutsy, it is what it is. I have decided, that I can pretty much be done with the MBA by the time I can even start on a CRNA program. So I will do an MBA and go from there. 

Wait, let me add number six. For Alex and Z. I will try to post more blogs. There, done. 🙂

So, maybe not as busy as my friends, but look, I made a list, I have a plan. That is progress already! LOL So thank you girls, for inspiring me. I cant wait to see what both of you do in 2013, and I will keep you posted on my progress. MMMWWAAAHHH!!!

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Conflicted

I am on the cusp of something life changing. Only I don’t know what that is exactly. I wish that I could just be so sure of the right choice. Some people have it so easy, I swear. They are called to one thing and they just know when they get there that “This is it!!”. Well I have not gotten there yet. I want to be there. I have tried to pretend that I am, it doesn’t work.

So this is it. I am getting ready to start a masters program. Only I am not sure which one to choose.

I can do a MBA and add that to my Bachelors in Nursing and become, well alot of different things. There are nearly limitless possibilities, all with great earning potential. We do live in the orthopedic capital of the WORLD. LOL No kidding, its true. Working for one of the orthopedic companies could be exciting. I think. I mean, I know it would be stressful, and time consuming, but also challenging and rewarding at the same time. But the MBA would also qualify me to work upper management in the nursing field. CNO for one. I have really looked up to my former CNO, she was and still is a great leader. She was patient, professional. Totally awesome at her job. She had an open door, and in my opinion it was truly open. Someone you could come to with a problem, and know she listened and responded appropriately.

On the other hand…

For a long time I have wanted to be a nurse anesthetist. This is something I can’t really explain. I love the OR. The atmosphere is something that I crave. For some reason I have this itch to intubate someone. Although I have never done it. 😦 I know that sounds a little sick. Sorry. I have talked to several CRNAs (certified registered nurse anesthetists) and they have all told me they love their jobs. I really want to love my job.

One of the problems lie geographically. There are many MBA programs locally and even online that I could take advantage of. There are no CRNA schools locally. There are several in Chicago, Michigan and Ohio. None in Hawaii either. I checked.  There is only one school that has an online option. So all of the class work is online and the clinical time is at an approved site. Unfortunately again, none anywhere near where I live. So either I sacrifice for my family and go with the MBA or my family sacrifices for me and we move to a program.

 Are the sacrifices worth it? I can’t tell you the number of times that I have kicked myself in the ass for not realizing the paths I wanted to take before marriage and kids. Although those things may have never have happened at all if I had. UGH!!! Do I really want to uproot my kids and husband for MY goals? This is a daily struggle for me.

And lets not even talk about Hawaii right now! That’s another whopping can of worms. All of my choices have me leaving Indiana and moving, even the MBA eventually. Which includes moving my family. How many sacrifices do I have to make? Why can’t I just be happy where I am now? Why the hell do I even want more? The only answer I have is “I just do!”.

Anyway, that’s off my chest.  :/

Vic